I hate waiting.
Patience is a virtue, they say.
Patience is a drag, I say. Okay, so I honestly try really hard to be patient. It's not my greatest strength, and it's not my worst flaw, but it's something that is so commonly dealt with in life that it's hard to get away from it. It's not something you can ignore, because ignoring it takes waiting (and trying not to think about it, which never works for me). And waiting is just another word for patience.
I'm not what would be considered an "impatient" person when it comes to lines and traffic and being put on hold. I can deal with those situation with grace, for the most part, and God has made me in a way that I typically am very "chill" in moments when other might be stressed out. But don't read this and think that I am without an anxious bone in my body. In matters of day-to-day, I try to be calm and cool and collected. In matters of the heart, in matters of life and waiting for those story-worthy moments, in waiting for adventure or destiny or that path that will make my life make sense at last, my persona of passiveness and composure goes out the window often (usually pretty secretly, sometimes), along with a little bit of my trust in my Heavenly Father. I have noticed on those days when I just can't bear it, being where I am currently, being without a clear, set-in-stone path, being without a relationship, being discontent in where God has placed me in that moment, my faith is pushed way far over there on the back burner. Ergo, those days are pretty much the suckiest. All because of my lack of trust.
When we are impatient, when we always want to know the next thing or the next step, we miss out so much on the opportunities given to us in that very day. It's so difficult to notice the beauty of the present tense and the lovely little gifts that God will fuel our love-tanks with when we are lost in our daydreams, just holding out for tomorrow, or next year, or ten years down the road. Not to say that daydreams are a bad thing. (Well, sometimes they can be. Sometimes our fantasies are things that drive us crazy and really ought to leave the deep recesses of our mind in peace.) But dream! Our dreams are gifts! I'm talking about the big, change the world type dreams, the ones that make you scared and inspired and influence the way you live your life. Don't stop having those. But have those, and live in the here and now. Be patient for that dream to become reality, but also chase it down in your everyday. And you can only do that by actually living in your everyday, not just surviving here until the someday comes along.
Patience and waiting go hand in hand. Impatience also is related to waiting; it's when we want the waiting to stop. And that is a very common place to be. Human beings hate waiting. I hate waiting. In particular, I hate waiting for things to happen that are out of my control. And because I have handed my life over to God, because I have given Him the control, that category is constantly becoming more and more massive. If I were patient, I wouldn't mind the waiting, because I would know that in that sweet, important, waiting time is where I grow and learn how to rely on God. If He gave me everything I want in the exact moment I wanted it, how would my faith be benefited? If I wanted a boyfriend at twenty-one, and He had given me that right when I decided I wanted it, how would I learn to rely on Him to be my emotional stability and my greatest romancer? (God really is the greatest romantic of all time. I'll have to write about that another day.) If I had wanted a solid career as I was leaving high school, something that had great security and made a decent amount of dough, and He gave that to me right then, how would I ever learn to trust Him with those big, messy details of my life, and how to rely fully on Him to provide everything I'll ever need? I would never have gotten to those points! Not without the waiting period, where my patience was tested and tried, where my temper would sometimes flare, and where, ultimately, my faith grew by leaps and bounds. But not in the times where impatience had more of a hold than trust.
When we are impatient, we are not trusting God. It's not rocket science, here. It just makes sense. If we trust Him, we trust His timing. We trust His hand in our lives and believe that He has a hope and a future prepared for us. Not to say we won't go after that future, and not to say that we shouldn't chase it down with hands outstretched, but when we are in a time where the only option is waiting, our response to that time should continue to be trust and patience. Instead, we often respond with annoyance and restlessness, like we suddenly forget that our Father is a giver of only good gifts, and that He holds our lives in the palm of His hand. We forget, or ignore, the fact of His great and powerful love. And in that moment, our trust wavers, and that's when the impatience sets in, turning our faith into doubt and our lives upside down.
The best way to turn them right-side up again? Trust! I know this isn't something that we just fall into. This is a process and a hard one, and it takes constant submission and heart-checks. But once we understand the power of the love of God, once we trust that His love is true and free, how could we be restless when He tells us "wait"?
When He tells us "wait", we will have the freedom and to smile and know that He holds our lives in His hands.
Patience is a drag, I say. Okay, so I honestly try really hard to be patient. It's not my greatest strength, and it's not my worst flaw, but it's something that is so commonly dealt with in life that it's hard to get away from it. It's not something you can ignore, because ignoring it takes waiting (and trying not to think about it, which never works for me). And waiting is just another word for patience.
I'm not what would be considered an "impatient" person when it comes to lines and traffic and being put on hold. I can deal with those situation with grace, for the most part, and God has made me in a way that I typically am very "chill" in moments when other might be stressed out. But don't read this and think that I am without an anxious bone in my body. In matters of day-to-day, I try to be calm and cool and collected. In matters of the heart, in matters of life and waiting for those story-worthy moments, in waiting for adventure or destiny or that path that will make my life make sense at last, my persona of passiveness and composure goes out the window often (usually pretty secretly, sometimes), along with a little bit of my trust in my Heavenly Father. I have noticed on those days when I just can't bear it, being where I am currently, being without a clear, set-in-stone path, being without a relationship, being discontent in where God has placed me in that moment, my faith is pushed way far over there on the back burner. Ergo, those days are pretty much the suckiest. All because of my lack of trust.
When we are impatient, when we always want to know the next thing or the next step, we miss out so much on the opportunities given to us in that very day. It's so difficult to notice the beauty of the present tense and the lovely little gifts that God will fuel our love-tanks with when we are lost in our daydreams, just holding out for tomorrow, or next year, or ten years down the road. Not to say that daydreams are a bad thing. (Well, sometimes they can be. Sometimes our fantasies are things that drive us crazy and really ought to leave the deep recesses of our mind in peace.) But dream! Our dreams are gifts! I'm talking about the big, change the world type dreams, the ones that make you scared and inspired and influence the way you live your life. Don't stop having those. But have those, and live in the here and now. Be patient for that dream to become reality, but also chase it down in your everyday. And you can only do that by actually living in your everyday, not just surviving here until the someday comes along.
Patience and waiting go hand in hand. Impatience also is related to waiting; it's when we want the waiting to stop. And that is a very common place to be. Human beings hate waiting. I hate waiting. In particular, I hate waiting for things to happen that are out of my control. And because I have handed my life over to God, because I have given Him the control, that category is constantly becoming more and more massive. If I were patient, I wouldn't mind the waiting, because I would know that in that sweet, important, waiting time is where I grow and learn how to rely on God. If He gave me everything I want in the exact moment I wanted it, how would my faith be benefited? If I wanted a boyfriend at twenty-one, and He had given me that right when I decided I wanted it, how would I learn to rely on Him to be my emotional stability and my greatest romancer? (God really is the greatest romantic of all time. I'll have to write about that another day.) If I had wanted a solid career as I was leaving high school, something that had great security and made a decent amount of dough, and He gave that to me right then, how would I ever learn to trust Him with those big, messy details of my life, and how to rely fully on Him to provide everything I'll ever need? I would never have gotten to those points! Not without the waiting period, where my patience was tested and tried, where my temper would sometimes flare, and where, ultimately, my faith grew by leaps and bounds. But not in the times where impatience had more of a hold than trust.
When we are impatient, we are not trusting God. It's not rocket science, here. It just makes sense. If we trust Him, we trust His timing. We trust His hand in our lives and believe that He has a hope and a future prepared for us. Not to say we won't go after that future, and not to say that we shouldn't chase it down with hands outstretched, but when we are in a time where the only option is waiting, our response to that time should continue to be trust and patience. Instead, we often respond with annoyance and restlessness, like we suddenly forget that our Father is a giver of only good gifts, and that He holds our lives in the palm of His hand. We forget, or ignore, the fact of His great and powerful love. And in that moment, our trust wavers, and that's when the impatience sets in, turning our faith into doubt and our lives upside down.
The best way to turn them right-side up again? Trust! I know this isn't something that we just fall into. This is a process and a hard one, and it takes constant submission and heart-checks. But once we understand the power of the love of God, once we trust that His love is true and free, how could we be restless when He tells us "wait"?
When He tells us "wait", we will have the freedom and to smile and know that He holds our lives in His hands.
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