Mercy-Kitten
"And He said to His disciples, "Therefore I tell you, be not anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!" Luke 12:22-28
I knew going in that I couldn't care for him long term. And so I began searching for someone to take the poor thing. I didn't know what I was doing, didn't have the knowledge or supplies to care for him well. I was afraid that he was going to die there in my hands one morning, and I had called everyone from rescues to vet's offices... I refused to call the pound. No one could take him. And I sat on the floor and cupped that sweet baby in my hand, feeling his heart beat and hearing his almost inaudible mews, and cried my eyes out.
I could pray for an answer... but what would that do, I thought. I've had a hard enough time trusting God in my own life, lately. Trusting for the short term... I have no doubt of where I'm headed or that God will finish up His work in me, in the long run. But for right now, I just want to be cared for. I want to feel the confidence that care provides, to feel joy and not worry about it fading under circumstances. To receive blessings and not live in fear of God taking them back, because God Himself is what I am living for. But that hasn't been a reality in my mind or emotions in this season. So I sat there on the floor and said, God, how can I trust you with this kitten, who is not really important, if I can't trust you in the things that ARE important?
How can I trust God in something as seemingly mundane as saving a kitten's life. That kitten is not a child of God. It is not deeply loved by Him, although He did create it for a reason. That kitten cannot spread the gospel or be a witness for Christ to those who don't know Him. For the purpose of the Kingdom of God, kittens are not that necessary. Therefore, the only purpose for God to save a random, worthless kitten would be to make me happy. Would He do that, though? Surely He doesn't have to prove His love to me, again. I wanted to cry out to Him, to ask Him in faith to help me save that life, but my heart sank at the thought of Him saying no... No, Emily, it's not that important. Suck it up. There are more important things to think about. More important things to feel about.
Fine, God, I said, You want me to trust you with my emotions, my dreams and desires. I want that, too. Just save this kitten. It was a baby step. Opening our desires up to God is hard, because you never know which ones He'll turn upside down. The ones that lead us away from Him, of course... but those don't always look like dark, dangerous paths. Sometimes they look like a great idea, goal, or relationship. In this moment, I just wanted a great, safe, home for a creature that had only existed for three days. And other things... I have desires, some of them buried deep down in fear that God will throw them in the garbage, saying they're rubbish, unimportant dreams to have anyways. But, baby steps. Just save this kitten.
Within a few hours of that glorious meltdown, the kitten was on his way to San Francisco, where a friend of a friend of a friend had special training to care for newborn critters. A reliable chauffeur was heading that way anyways. A split second phone call and the kind hearts of people I hardly know. One final feeding and cuddle, and a warm cardboard box for the road. He will live with his new foster mom, in a much more secure living situation than I could have dreamed of, until he is strong enough to be adopted into a forever home.
As I sat in my car after dropping him off, I wiped away tears yet again. Really, God, you orchestrated all of that just for me? So many moving parts and amazing details. All of that for a kitten?
All of that for me.
That might just be what it boils down to. God doesn't have a soft spot in His heart for kittens... but He does for us. A massive, throbbing, soft spot that cries when we cry and rejoices when we rejoice. We are His beloved. He would die for us, and He did. He moves mountains to bring us comfort and creates mountains (and stars and oceans and laughter and emotions and kittens) to bring us joy. He isn't only worthy of our trust because He is God. Our trust in Him to fulfill that place in us that wonders how deep the joy will go, how long it will last... if we're rooted in Him, there's no measurement vast enough.
If we're rooted in Him, we can let Him in on our dreams. Whisper them in His ear or shout them with excitement from the mountaintops. Instead of throwing out our deepest desires, He will use them, take them and transform them into something more beautiful than we can imagine.
Jesus saved me from myself, for Himself. For His great glory and to spread His love in amazing ways.
Jesus saved my little mercy-kitten... for me.
I spent the weekend filled with one glorious, unexpected purpose... caring for a newborn kitten. A tiny, fragile, bundle of fur. He (I call it a "he"... it's difficult to know gender at that age) was only a couple days old, and I desperately wanted him to live. I wanted him to survive, regardless of the fact that his own dear mother cat had abandoned him to die. Regardless of the fact that he couldn't see or hear or walk, and couldn't eat or poop on his own... he was utterly useless and fully dependent on the environment around him. Fully dependent on me, or anyone else who would care for him, to live.
I knew going in that I couldn't care for him long term. And so I began searching for someone to take the poor thing. I didn't know what I was doing, didn't have the knowledge or supplies to care for him well. I was afraid that he was going to die there in my hands one morning, and I had called everyone from rescues to vet's offices... I refused to call the pound. No one could take him. And I sat on the floor and cupped that sweet baby in my hand, feeling his heart beat and hearing his almost inaudible mews, and cried my eyes out.
I could pray for an answer... but what would that do, I thought. I've had a hard enough time trusting God in my own life, lately. Trusting for the short term... I have no doubt of where I'm headed or that God will finish up His work in me, in the long run. But for right now, I just want to be cared for. I want to feel the confidence that care provides, to feel joy and not worry about it fading under circumstances. To receive blessings and not live in fear of God taking them back, because God Himself is what I am living for. But that hasn't been a reality in my mind or emotions in this season. So I sat there on the floor and said, God, how can I trust you with this kitten, who is not really important, if I can't trust you in the things that ARE important?
How can I trust God in something as seemingly mundane as saving a kitten's life. That kitten is not a child of God. It is not deeply loved by Him, although He did create it for a reason. That kitten cannot spread the gospel or be a witness for Christ to those who don't know Him. For the purpose of the Kingdom of God, kittens are not that necessary. Therefore, the only purpose for God to save a random, worthless kitten would be to make me happy. Would He do that, though? Surely He doesn't have to prove His love to me, again. I wanted to cry out to Him, to ask Him in faith to help me save that life, but my heart sank at the thought of Him saying no... No, Emily, it's not that important. Suck it up. There are more important things to think about. More important things to feel about.
Fine, God, I said, You want me to trust you with my emotions, my dreams and desires. I want that, too. Just save this kitten. It was a baby step. Opening our desires up to God is hard, because you never know which ones He'll turn upside down. The ones that lead us away from Him, of course... but those don't always look like dark, dangerous paths. Sometimes they look like a great idea, goal, or relationship. In this moment, I just wanted a great, safe, home for a creature that had only existed for three days. And other things... I have desires, some of them buried deep down in fear that God will throw them in the garbage, saying they're rubbish, unimportant dreams to have anyways. But, baby steps. Just save this kitten.
Within a few hours of that glorious meltdown, the kitten was on his way to San Francisco, where a friend of a friend of a friend had special training to care for newborn critters. A reliable chauffeur was heading that way anyways. A split second phone call and the kind hearts of people I hardly know. One final feeding and cuddle, and a warm cardboard box for the road. He will live with his new foster mom, in a much more secure living situation than I could have dreamed of, until he is strong enough to be adopted into a forever home.
As I sat in my car after dropping him off, I wiped away tears yet again. Really, God, you orchestrated all of that just for me? So many moving parts and amazing details. All of that for a kitten?
All of that for me.
That might just be what it boils down to. God doesn't have a soft spot in His heart for kittens... but He does for us. A massive, throbbing, soft spot that cries when we cry and rejoices when we rejoice. We are His beloved. He would die for us, and He did. He moves mountains to bring us comfort and creates mountains (and stars and oceans and laughter and emotions and kittens) to bring us joy. He isn't only worthy of our trust because He is God. Our trust in Him to fulfill that place in us that wonders how deep the joy will go, how long it will last... if we're rooted in Him, there's no measurement vast enough.
If we're rooted in Him, we can let Him in on our dreams. Whisper them in His ear or shout them with excitement from the mountaintops. Instead of throwing out our deepest desires, He will use them, take them and transform them into something more beautiful than we can imagine.
Jesus saved me from myself, for Himself. For His great glory and to spread His love in amazing ways.
Jesus saved my little mercy-kitten... for me.
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